Myla Faith's Journey
My Little Cupcake by her mummy Charlene
My name is Charlene and my husband is called Gareth, we got together when I was 15 and have been together ever since. Our hopes and dreams were always to have children, and live a happy busy life juggling our work and family.
We had 4 children Leah (11), Abbi (8) Ethan (6) and Mason (1). In November 2012 I discovered a big surprise that another little baby had been sent to us!!! We were gonna be parents for the 5th time. I can remember that night like it was yesterday, we were in total shock, but super excited!!! We began to imagine our lives a year from then, we would have 2 babies, 2 sets of nappies, bottles, double prams, sleepless nights, but we could wait!! We were excited and couldn't wait to tell everyone!!
My pregnancy started off all very normal, I couldn't wait till I had my first scan in January last year just to put my mind at ease that everything was ok, for anyone that knows me, knows that I'm the biggest ever worrier. We had our 10 week scan and it went perfectly, we came out even more excited with little picture. After my 10 week scan we started to get our house organised and got our 2 girls into one room and the 2 boys into the other room, which left our tiny little box room for our number 5, who I had started to call my little cupcake.
I got through the next few weeks fine but began to worry around 16 to 18 weeks that I hadn't felt my little cupcake move, I made excuses in my head that I had just had a baby in the July and thought my body hadn't went back to normal and this was why I didn't feel movement. But I had felt my 4 other children begin to move around this stage and deep down I was worrying. One night when I was 19 weeks I took myself to the hospital and explained my concerns, and asked could they give me a quick check over. I explained that my 20 week scan was the following week, but I was feeling very anxious and just needed reassurance that everything was ok. So I got a quick scan and saw for myself the little heartbeat and my baby moving away, even though I couldn't feel it. I left the hospital that night happy and content and excited for my scan.
My problems started at my 20 week scan and so I was told that my baby had an enlarged kidney. I was told not to worry about this as it was very common and at the most my baby might need a scan after birth to check the kidneys and some antibiotics given. Again I voiced my concerns to the midwife and explained to her that I was worried as I had had 4 healthy pregnancies before and nothing like this had ever shown up. She could see I was upset and deeply concerned and thank goodness decided to bring me back in 4 weeks to be re-scanned.
I was then brought back at 24 weeks to learn that it was slightly bigger and so then they said they were gonna keep an eye on this, but again I was told don't panic! But me being me, worry had already started in my mind.
At 28 weeks I was scanned again. I knew in my heart that something must be wrong because you never get this many scans, but I was so glad to be getting them. I kept saying to Gareth, there's something wrong because you don't get this many scan especially when it's our 5th child. He kept trying to keep me calm so that I wouldn't fall apart, it was his way of keeping his wife sane!! At this scan I was told I was having a baby girl, I was delighted to be told this but told them my main concern was my babies health. I was then told she had dilated bowel loops and so I began to panic. Like most worried mothers I was scared as I had 4 normal straight forward healthy pregnancies before and so this all came as a terrible shock. I went home thinking its good they know these things, cause when my cupcake is born they will know exactly what is wrong and will be able to fix it.
At 30 weeks I was scanned again and was told that although she had gained some weight from the 28 week scan, she was under the average weight. I also was then told there was a little fluid on the back of her brain and this is when I completely lost control and was inconsolable, I was so scared of what was gonna be and so I was offered an amnio test as the doctors predicted that this was chromosomal or genetic related. I asked them could this possibly be Downs Syndrome, cause I googled the problems and this was what came up. The doctor simply said "yes that's a possibility but there are others" They gave me a few days to think about the amniotic test but I decided not to have it as I was told there a was a very small chance I could go into labour after having this procedure. I thought with my luck I would be the one to go into labour, and because I was told my baby girl was under weight I thought I was doing her better by keeping her tucked up safe and warm and gaining weight and continuing on with my last 10 weeks of my pregnancy. Little did I know what lay ahead!
Like I say I had 4 other children who were all healthy weights and sizes and so this made me panic even more as I carried this baby smaller and didn't feel her move as much as the others. I convinced myself that she was just gonna be a wee petite and tiny baby that may have needed extra care or maybe an operation or medicine to fix her problems when she was born. In my head I thought I was going to have a child with special needs, which was fine, we just wanted our little girl no matter what way she came, as she would be loved very much the same as our other children. We got her room all decorated pink and butterfly themed and decided to be well prepared. We had a wardrobe full of pink and bright beautiful clothes, drawers full of nappies, wipes, etc. we even decided that she would be called Myla Faith. Her middle name was going to be Faith because I had so much faith that everything would be fine. I couldn't wait to get my hands on her!!
On the 30th of June last year I went to bed as normal and lay waiting to feel her move and felt very little movement, I done this on the 1st of July also and got up on the 2nd of July with a mothers instinct that something wasn't quite right. It was like my body was telling me something's wrong. I was petrified! So I decided to go to the hospital with my mum, and ask just to hear her heartbeat and that would of put my mind at ease that everything was ok. I arrived in hospital at 1.10 pm and explained my concerns, so I was given yet another scan. The lady doctor scanning me explained that I was 34 weeks pregnant and that my baby girl was very tiny indeed and that she would like me to have an amnio test that day and receive the results in 2 days. At this stage I thought, I'm 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I was on the countdown and had only 40 days to go!! So at 3.30 pm I had the amnio performed by a different doctor. By this stage I had called my husband and told him I was at the hospital and that he had better come up to me. My husband, my mum and I were all so scared, as the doctor discovered on another scan that Myla had a hole in heart also. I thought I was gonna pass out and faint, I was screaming and my own heart sank. They then done a heart tracing and put the Doppler on me and told me that Myla wasn't coping very well with Braxton Hicks that I began to have. I saw on the scan that Myla wasn't moving on the scan, yet at my karst scan she was kicking away. All I could see her doing was what we thought to be her sucking her thumb. My mum joked and said she wants out for her bottle, she's hungry. Before I knew it, I was told that I was being rushed for an emergency Caesarian. I was not mentally or physically prepared for this and so by this stage I was in a terrible state. I got taken to delivery suite at 5.00 pm and at 6.15 pm my baby girl was here. I was shocked, scared, excited, all these things rolled into one. A doctor brought her to me and she lay looking at me with her beautiful pink skin and big blue eyes and I was then told she was going to the neo-natal unit. I couldn't stop crying and begged them to get me back together as quickly as possible so that I could go to be with her. Seconds felt like hours. The doctor then came back to me with tears in his own eyes and said that Myla had Edwards syndrome. I began to say well that's good you know what it is so you can fix it now, but he shook his head at me and suddenly my world, my hopes and dreams of my baby number 5 began to crumble. What he was telling me I couldn't and didn't want to believe. I had never in my life heard of Edwards syndrome! He then said he was gonna take me to be with her as things weren't good. So I was wheeled round and I immediately wanted my skin to skin with my amazing baby girl, by this stage all our family was with us. I lay there looking at this perfect and amazing little baby girl on my chest wanting the moment to never ever end. She lay looking at me as if to say 'mummy I wanted to meet you as much as you wanted to meet me'.....at 8.10 pm she grew a set of angel wings and went on her endless journey to heaven whilst lying on my chest, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat. My world was turned upside down in an instant. I felt like I was getting stabbed in the heart over and over again. Why me? And why her? Life wasn't fair!!!! It just felt like being trapped in my worst nightmare. I was angry, I thought is it something I done whilst pregnant, was it something Gareth done? I even felt like I let my other children down because they were so so looking forward to their baby sister. Gareth and I were looking forward to having our 5th child and making her part of our wee family. We visioned ourselves out with all our kids and the fun times that lay ahead.
I made a promise to my angel that her memory will live on and on, forever and ever and she will always be talked about everyday and never ever forgotten. Loosing her is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and I can honestly say that the day Myla grew her wings, she took part of her mummy with her. From that moment, I'm a forever changed person, my heart aches every second of every day and I'm so thankful to my family and friends for being there for me through everything.
I decided to set a Facebook page up in memory of my precious daughter Myla Faith McCabe and to raise awareness of Trisomy 18.
All for my angel Myla Faith McCabe, born 02/07/13 weighing 2 pounds and 12.7 ounces.
She may have only lived for 1 hour and 55 minutes, but them moments will be treasured in my heart forever.
"Some people only dream of angels, we held one in our arms"
Myla's Facebook page is - www.facebook.com/MylaFaithTrisomy18
My name is Charlene and my husband is called Gareth, we got together when I was 15 and have been together ever since. Our hopes and dreams were always to have children, and live a happy busy life juggling our work and family.
We had 4 children Leah (11), Abbi (8) Ethan (6) and Mason (1). In November 2012 I discovered a big surprise that another little baby had been sent to us!!! We were gonna be parents for the 5th time. I can remember that night like it was yesterday, we were in total shock, but super excited!!! We began to imagine our lives a year from then, we would have 2 babies, 2 sets of nappies, bottles, double prams, sleepless nights, but we could wait!! We were excited and couldn't wait to tell everyone!!
My pregnancy started off all very normal, I couldn't wait till I had my first scan in January last year just to put my mind at ease that everything was ok, for anyone that knows me, knows that I'm the biggest ever worrier. We had our 10 week scan and it went perfectly, we came out even more excited with little picture. After my 10 week scan we started to get our house organised and got our 2 girls into one room and the 2 boys into the other room, which left our tiny little box room for our number 5, who I had started to call my little cupcake.
I got through the next few weeks fine but began to worry around 16 to 18 weeks that I hadn't felt my little cupcake move, I made excuses in my head that I had just had a baby in the July and thought my body hadn't went back to normal and this was why I didn't feel movement. But I had felt my 4 other children begin to move around this stage and deep down I was worrying. One night when I was 19 weeks I took myself to the hospital and explained my concerns, and asked could they give me a quick check over. I explained that my 20 week scan was the following week, but I was feeling very anxious and just needed reassurance that everything was ok. So I got a quick scan and saw for myself the little heartbeat and my baby moving away, even though I couldn't feel it. I left the hospital that night happy and content and excited for my scan.
My problems started at my 20 week scan and so I was told that my baby had an enlarged kidney. I was told not to worry about this as it was very common and at the most my baby might need a scan after birth to check the kidneys and some antibiotics given. Again I voiced my concerns to the midwife and explained to her that I was worried as I had had 4 healthy pregnancies before and nothing like this had ever shown up. She could see I was upset and deeply concerned and thank goodness decided to bring me back in 4 weeks to be re-scanned.
I was then brought back at 24 weeks to learn that it was slightly bigger and so then they said they were gonna keep an eye on this, but again I was told don't panic! But me being me, worry had already started in my mind.
At 28 weeks I was scanned again. I knew in my heart that something must be wrong because you never get this many scans, but I was so glad to be getting them. I kept saying to Gareth, there's something wrong because you don't get this many scan especially when it's our 5th child. He kept trying to keep me calm so that I wouldn't fall apart, it was his way of keeping his wife sane!! At this scan I was told I was having a baby girl, I was delighted to be told this but told them my main concern was my babies health. I was then told she had dilated bowel loops and so I began to panic. Like most worried mothers I was scared as I had 4 normal straight forward healthy pregnancies before and so this all came as a terrible shock. I went home thinking its good they know these things, cause when my cupcake is born they will know exactly what is wrong and will be able to fix it.
At 30 weeks I was scanned again and was told that although she had gained some weight from the 28 week scan, she was under the average weight. I also was then told there was a little fluid on the back of her brain and this is when I completely lost control and was inconsolable, I was so scared of what was gonna be and so I was offered an amnio test as the doctors predicted that this was chromosomal or genetic related. I asked them could this possibly be Downs Syndrome, cause I googled the problems and this was what came up. The doctor simply said "yes that's a possibility but there are others" They gave me a few days to think about the amniotic test but I decided not to have it as I was told there a was a very small chance I could go into labour after having this procedure. I thought with my luck I would be the one to go into labour, and because I was told my baby girl was under weight I thought I was doing her better by keeping her tucked up safe and warm and gaining weight and continuing on with my last 10 weeks of my pregnancy. Little did I know what lay ahead!
Like I say I had 4 other children who were all healthy weights and sizes and so this made me panic even more as I carried this baby smaller and didn't feel her move as much as the others. I convinced myself that she was just gonna be a wee petite and tiny baby that may have needed extra care or maybe an operation or medicine to fix her problems when she was born. In my head I thought I was going to have a child with special needs, which was fine, we just wanted our little girl no matter what way she came, as she would be loved very much the same as our other children. We got her room all decorated pink and butterfly themed and decided to be well prepared. We had a wardrobe full of pink and bright beautiful clothes, drawers full of nappies, wipes, etc. we even decided that she would be called Myla Faith. Her middle name was going to be Faith because I had so much faith that everything would be fine. I couldn't wait to get my hands on her!!
On the 30th of June last year I went to bed as normal and lay waiting to feel her move and felt very little movement, I done this on the 1st of July also and got up on the 2nd of July with a mothers instinct that something wasn't quite right. It was like my body was telling me something's wrong. I was petrified! So I decided to go to the hospital with my mum, and ask just to hear her heartbeat and that would of put my mind at ease that everything was ok. I arrived in hospital at 1.10 pm and explained my concerns, so I was given yet another scan. The lady doctor scanning me explained that I was 34 weeks pregnant and that my baby girl was very tiny indeed and that she would like me to have an amnio test that day and receive the results in 2 days. At this stage I thought, I'm 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I was on the countdown and had only 40 days to go!! So at 3.30 pm I had the amnio performed by a different doctor. By this stage I had called my husband and told him I was at the hospital and that he had better come up to me. My husband, my mum and I were all so scared, as the doctor discovered on another scan that Myla had a hole in heart also. I thought I was gonna pass out and faint, I was screaming and my own heart sank. They then done a heart tracing and put the Doppler on me and told me that Myla wasn't coping very well with Braxton Hicks that I began to have. I saw on the scan that Myla wasn't moving on the scan, yet at my karst scan she was kicking away. All I could see her doing was what we thought to be her sucking her thumb. My mum joked and said she wants out for her bottle, she's hungry. Before I knew it, I was told that I was being rushed for an emergency Caesarian. I was not mentally or physically prepared for this and so by this stage I was in a terrible state. I got taken to delivery suite at 5.00 pm and at 6.15 pm my baby girl was here. I was shocked, scared, excited, all these things rolled into one. A doctor brought her to me and she lay looking at me with her beautiful pink skin and big blue eyes and I was then told she was going to the neo-natal unit. I couldn't stop crying and begged them to get me back together as quickly as possible so that I could go to be with her. Seconds felt like hours. The doctor then came back to me with tears in his own eyes and said that Myla had Edwards syndrome. I began to say well that's good you know what it is so you can fix it now, but he shook his head at me and suddenly my world, my hopes and dreams of my baby number 5 began to crumble. What he was telling me I couldn't and didn't want to believe. I had never in my life heard of Edwards syndrome! He then said he was gonna take me to be with her as things weren't good. So I was wheeled round and I immediately wanted my skin to skin with my amazing baby girl, by this stage all our family was with us. I lay there looking at this perfect and amazing little baby girl on my chest wanting the moment to never ever end. She lay looking at me as if to say 'mummy I wanted to meet you as much as you wanted to meet me'.....at 8.10 pm she grew a set of angel wings and went on her endless journey to heaven whilst lying on my chest, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat. My world was turned upside down in an instant. I felt like I was getting stabbed in the heart over and over again. Why me? And why her? Life wasn't fair!!!! It just felt like being trapped in my worst nightmare. I was angry, I thought is it something I done whilst pregnant, was it something Gareth done? I even felt like I let my other children down because they were so so looking forward to their baby sister. Gareth and I were looking forward to having our 5th child and making her part of our wee family. We visioned ourselves out with all our kids and the fun times that lay ahead.
I made a promise to my angel that her memory will live on and on, forever and ever and she will always be talked about everyday and never ever forgotten. Loosing her is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and I can honestly say that the day Myla grew her wings, she took part of her mummy with her. From that moment, I'm a forever changed person, my heart aches every second of every day and I'm so thankful to my family and friends for being there for me through everything.
I decided to set a Facebook page up in memory of my precious daughter Myla Faith McCabe and to raise awareness of Trisomy 18.
All for my angel Myla Faith McCabe, born 02/07/13 weighing 2 pounds and 12.7 ounces.
She may have only lived for 1 hour and 55 minutes, but them moments will be treasured in my heart forever.
"Some people only dream of angels, we held one in our arms"
Myla's Facebook page is - www.facebook.com/MylaFaithTrisomy18
